Of Leaving Jobs and Leaving Babies

Hey, Elsie, it makes you feel any better, I am no longer "affiliated" with Parent Help. It's a long story. . . most of which involves me putting family & home (and other things) way, way, way ahead of work; not meeting deadlines; and basically becoming replacable. By Chelsi. (Don't worry, babe- no hard feelings!) By the way, I talked to Shae about that after three months of trying to get a hold of her. She said I wasn't fired but that they won't pay me for my last project. So I respectfully broke off affiliation with them permanantly. The reason I gave Shae was that I had a very difficult time getting anyone over there to let me know what was going on. The one I didn't tell her was that I hated working for friends. Not that I hated working for Shae, because she's wonderful, but that I both felt too pressured by and I took advantage of the personal relationship. For example, I started working again only two weeks after having Liesl. This led me to feeling overwhelmed and contributed to my minor bout of postpartum depression. So I let off a lot. Unfortunately, by the time I felt completely adjusted, it was too late: I had already gotten the call that my services were not required anymore. That was late December, and at that time I was told I was not fired. Anyway, I spent a few hours over the next three months trying to get a hold of Shae to get approval to finish a previous project. This is when I couldn't get a hold of anyone. When I finally did get through to her, I asked to turn in what I had finished and was rejected. That's when I broke it off. Anyone needing clarification of this story can ask. I did tell Shae I wanted to still keep in touch, but she has not emailed me back. It sounds like a harsh story, but I feel okay about it. I honestly don't hold anything against her or anyone else for that matter.

But I have various other jobs/projects. I hate outside work, to be honest. I am completely content being a mother. Contrary to what many professors may say, I get much satisfaction out of making sure my family and home is taken care of.

Please forgive the grammar mistakes and the rambling. I have jet lag. Jay and I just got back last night from a ten-day stay in Baltimore. We left Liesl with my brother & his wife. That was hard on me. We spent two days in DC, and one each in Gettysburg, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and New York City. It was an exhausting trip. (But dirt cheap-- we spent around $800 for both of us, for everything.). We came back and now Liesl can take about three steps on her own. It's pretty crazy. I missed her terribly and felt like a bad mom for leaving, but how often do trips like that present themselves? It wasn't like a honeymoon, though, because we went for a history seminar class through USU and stayed in barracks. With shared bathrooms. That we had to clean ourselves. Yeah.

So Liesl is growing up so fast. At nine months, she's now considered a toddler, not a baby, though in many ways she still acts like a baby. I adore her. She loves books. She will sit and turn the pages and babble to herself. Anybody who has not met her is missing out. She's about the best baby anyone's met. At least that's what people who meet her say. I'm not even being an egotistical mother here: we have an excellent, easy baby. How else could I leave her for 10 days and not have any problems with her?

Well, my eyesight and mind-finger coordination is leaving me. I'm so tired. I love you all and wish you luck. I really missed Vanessa while I was in New York. Anyone know how she is? Oh Hollie-- me and Jay will need a place to lay over on our trip to Richland, WA in August. Would you be up for that? Amelia, Canada rocks, but I already told you that. Elsie, it's okay to be fired once in a while. Just don't make it a habit. Or include it on your resume. Chelsi, still no hard feelings. I will cook you Indian food any time you want. If you know a different side to this story, I would be interested in hearing it. I'm afraid Shae hates me now. Mandie, I hope all is well with you. You haven't been stuck in an elevator lately have you? Eek. Eek? What a stupid word.

Good night. XO-JLF